Unfortunate Fact #7: The noisy neighbors

This week's news of increased tensions and dangerously bad blood between North and South Korea made me think of how we live with neighbors. For the past few months I have had the joy of living next to an extremely loud woman who plays her TV loud and speaks even louder. The more and more I watch CNN the more I think "well, I guess it's a universal thing. If I can't deal with a loud TV, I guess maybe North Korea can't deal with its loud neighbor?"

So how can we all get along? How can we expect two large world superpowers to get along if we, humble New York apartment dwellers, can't do the same? Here are some simple rules for living graciously with neighbors:

-TV should never be higher than its volume's half-capacity. Past 12 a.m., it should never be higher than 1/4 capacity. Deal with it.

- Stereos are a thing of the past. Introduce yourself to headphones. If you MUST resist, the TV rules apply. Also, turn down the damn bass.

- Parties are fine on WEEKENDS ONLY! And when they will rage past 12 a.m., you must first clear it with your nextdoor neighbor. And maybe think about bringing them a baked good.

- Close your mouth in the hallway. Period.

- When walking up the stairs, try a little something called grace. You don't have to hop around like you're on an acid trip.

- When fighting with significant other, learn the silent and deadly trick: instead of raising your voice, let your anger show through your eyes. This will prevent anger from your neighbors, and it might also save your relationship, too.

-Last, but not least, learn that small talk is the devil's tool: a quick smile and acknowledgement with your neighbors is all that is necessary.

So next time you feel like you want to send a cruise missile next door, North Korea style, remember these tips to spare yourself high blood pressure (and possible U.N. sanctions.)